


I feel a little lost without you

by CassieWritesDestiel



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe, Cheesy, Dean Plays Guitar, Destiel - Freeform, Fluff, Lisa Braeden Being an Asshole, M/M, Past Lisa Braeden/Dean Winchester, Songwriting, singer/songwriter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-18
Updated: 2018-06-18
Packaged: 2019-05-24 23:53:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,120
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14964630
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CassieWritesDestiel/pseuds/CassieWritesDestiel
Summary: Dean is a singer/songwriter and Cas is his boyfriend. Until one day, Cas thinks Dean cheated on him and Dean has to fix things.





	I feel a little lost without you

**Author's Note:**

> The excerpts from Dean's songs are written by me. I know they're not great but I tried.

_I cheat and I lie,_

_And I kiss and I cry_

Dean wrote down on an empty paper. He rubbed his forehead as Cas looked over his shoulder. His boyfriend frowned as he read the lines. “You cheat?” He asked. Dean’s face hidden under his hand basically screamed _‘oh shit’_. “Please tell me that’s not based on our life” Cas said. Dean remained silent. “Dean?” Cas asked, now really worried. “I’m sorry, Cas” Dean whispered.

 

Cas turned Dean around in his chair and hold his head in between his hands so he couldn’t look away. “You did not… it was Lisa, wasn’t it?” Cas asked, realization slowly pouring into his mind. Dean looked down.

 

“I’m sorry. Look, you were away and I missed you and I was really drunk when she got to me. She wouldn’t leave me alone and I don’t even remember what happened, but I woke up next to her with a headache like my mind’s gonna explode… We had a fight afterwards and I feel so guilty, I just wanted to forget about it… When you came back, you were so happy, I didn’t wanna crush that. It won’t ever happen again”

 

Cas stared at him with big sad blue eyes. He looked like he was about to cry, but his face was dry. “I’m sorry, Cas” Cas let his head free and took a few steps backwards. “You promised me” he said with sudden anger in his voice. “You promised me. I give you all I am and this is what you give to me? You cheat? With your ex of all people?!” Dean stood up. “Cas” “No, Dean, I don’t wanna hear you’re sorry. I’m going out and don’t expect me back”

 

Dean looked after his boyfriend. He had messed it up. He cursed his drunken self, he cursed Lisa for never really letting go of him, cursed himself for going to that bar in the first place. He cursed everything that led up to this moment. His eyes trailed back to the paper that was supposed to help him with his writer’s block, not destroy his relationship. He picked up a pen and added a new line.

 

_I cheat and I lie,_

_And I kiss and I cry,_

_Sometimes, when you’re away_

_I just want to die_

He felt like this was it. The end of his life with Cas, the wonderful adorable angel Cas. They had vowed to not leave each other, ever. They had vowed not to disrespect each other, to be there for each other. But what was the worth of this vow when his old drunken self cheated on him?

 

_Can you save me now?_

_With our broken vow_

~~

Cas closed his eyes and listened to the radio softly playing in the room. His brother Gabe had given him shelter after he left Dean. It was just a small apartment he lived in, just two rooms actually, with one room being the bathroom and the other being everything else.

 

The door unlocked and Gabe entered. He spotted his little brother lying on the bed and smiled. “How are you?” He asked. Cas opened his eyes to look at his brother. He hesitated before he honestly answered, “I miss him”. Gabe sighed and lay the keys down on the little cupboard next to the door. The keys fell down to the floor, but Gabe didn’t even bother to look at them. He left them on the floor.

 

“Cassie, it’s been one month now and you never wanted to come with me on a party, I practically have to drag you with me to go shopping so you leave the house at all. Don’t you think I’ve already figured out that you miss him?”

 

Cas sighed and sat up. “I don’t know why I can’t forget him” Gabe sat down beside him. “It’s called love, Cassie. But you need to get up off your ass and try to move on. If you keep being melancholic in here, you’ll never forget him. And I’ll go crazy” He added. Cas looked at his brother. “Okay, I’m gonna go with you on this party tomorrow” Gabe smiled and patted his back. “Good boy”

 

~~

 

“Come on, Cas! You’ll look marvelous in this suit!” Gabe tried to get his brother out of the bathroom. “Gabe, I look ridiculous” Cas said as he opened the door in a dark blue suit. Gabe chuckled. “Cheer up, Cassie! You look fantastic!” He ruffled through Cas’s hair. Cas took a step back and got his hair out of the grip of Gabe’s hand. “Don’t do that!” Gabe laughed. “Your hair looks better than that” he said while Cas tried to straighten it again. “You want all the guys to run after you, don’t you? Then don’t be so boring” Cas shook his head. “I’d actually prefer it if they just let me alone” Gabe sighed.

 

The club was filled with way too many people for Castiel’s liking. Gabe got them drinks at the bar and Cas drank it, not caring what it was. It was just a distraction. Sometime during the evening, Cas ended up at the bar while Gabe had entered the dance floor. Cas had never been a dancer, and he never understood how people could move so ridiculously and have fun with it. Whenever he tried to dance, it was just awkward and he felt embarrassed.

 

His face fell as he remembered how Dean had one time tried to teach Cas how to dance and it had ended with them being tangled up on the floor because their movements had been too uncoordinated. They had laughed and then suddenly they had stopped. The sun had come out under the clouds and shone through the window, illuminating their faces in a beautiful, golden light. Dean had smiled down at Cas underneath him. Cas had just looked in pure admiration at the marvelous beauty he had the luck to call his boyfriend. “You’re so freakin’ beautiful” Dean had broken the silence in a whisper. They had stared at each other and then Dean had leaned down and had kissed Cas, lovingly and longingly. It had led up to their first time having sex.

 

“Castiel” Cas’s head shot up as he heard his name. Instant hate bubbled up inside him as he recognized the woman it belonged to. “Lisa” She really had the nerves to speak to him? Surely she got Dean back, so what did she want here, from him? “What do you want?” He asked in a low, slightly angered voice. “I just wanted to clear things up. Dean didn’t cheat on you. He was too drunk that night to do anything anymore. I took him with me. You know, all he talked about was you while drunk. It was really annoying. I made him believe he slept with me that night because, goddamn, I was stupid and just wanted him back. But now I see, he belongs to you” She bowed her head in shame.

 

Cas stared at her Dean didn’t cheat on him? His emotions were running wild and he let out a laugh. Dean didn’t cheat on him. This changed everything. It was just that stupid bitch’s fault that they’d believed that. “I promise you’ll never see me again. Dean doesn’t talk to me anymore, and I just wanted to tell you before I leave town. You make him happy, you know?” Cas didn’t really react to her. He emptied the glass the bartender gave him. “Goodbye, Castiel” Lisa said. “Bye” Cas answered more out of reflex than anything.

 

“Hey, handsome” An a bit tipsy girl sat down beside him. She tried to flirt with him but Cas just ignored her. Just when Cas thought he couldn’t take the annoying voice of the girl anymore and was about to tell her that she was wasting her time, something else caught his attention. The club had a little stage for live performances. Cas looked up with big eyes at the familiar figure on the stage.

 

Dean stood there with an acoustic guitar in his hand. Some guy positioned a barstool in front of the micro and Dean thanked him with a nod. Cas was frozen. Dean always preferred the electric guitar over the acoustic. He usually only ever really picked up the acoustic guitar when he sang for Cas.

 

The music that was playing stopped and Dean adjusted his micro. Complaints got loud from the people on the dance floor. They hadn’t noticed Dean yet.

 

“Hey, um, my name is Dean Winchester” Dean said and got all the attention. A few people cheered as they recognized him. “I’m gonna sing a song. This is for Cas” He looked down at the guitar and positioned his fingers for the first chord.

 

Cas now got up and slowly walked through the crowd towards the stage. Gabe saw him and stopped him. “Cas, no! He’s only gonna hurt you again” “I don’t care, Gabe” “But don’t say I didn’t warn you when he leaves you heartbroken” “Gabe, I love him” Gabriel nodded. “I know”

 

Dean strummed over the strings a few times and scanned the crowd. People were filming him, good. There was no chance that Cas would be here, he hated parties. But he would find out once the video reached the world wide web. His eyes lingered on a familiar someone who he recognized as Cas’s brother Gabriel after a moment. Gabe was talking to someone who was standing half in the dark. Could it be? No way. But it was Cas.

 

His fingers stopped and he just stared for a second. Then he took a deep breath. “Cas, I’m sorry. I know I’ve said that before and you don’t believe me. Just know it won’t happen ever again. I erased her from my life” Cas stepped into the light and Dean’s gaze never left him. I’m not someone to talk about feelings usually, but I’m just gonna say this now. I love you, Castiel Novak. I love you with all my life, all my being. You’re everything to me” Dean blinked and then started the song with the chorus. Gasps could be heard in the crowd and more and more people looked out for Cas. They wanted to know who this person was Dean was staring at.

 

“God, this is cheesy” Dean mumbled and earned a few laughs. He gathered the air in his stomach and started to sing.

 

_“I feel a little lost, without you_

_Staring at the sky, where are you?_

_Can’t you see me here, without you_

_I’m losing hope”_

He hold the last note while closing his eyes. His voice sounded hurt, which was new. He never ever let his emotions out this much, not even during a song. Cas fought his way to the front of the crowd.

 

Dean opened his eyes as the verse started. His eyes landed on Cas and his lips broke into a smile. He was here, at this party, how was this possible? Dean sang the verse, singing about how he missed his angel, what was missing without him. After another chorus came the second verse. It spoke about how he had lost him and how he regretted it. He broke into the chorus again and then slowed his movements down. The last chorus he sang slower, longing on every word. He had added an extra line to this, for the end.

 

_“I feel a little lost, without you_

_Staring at the sky, where are you?_

_Can’t you see me here, without you_

_I’m losing hope_

_And I just wish we could start, all over, again”_

After the last note, the guitar stopped. He stood up, guitar in his hands and jumped from the stage. He landed right in front of Cas. Cas had missed Dean, and yet it hurt him because he remembered how and why they parted. “I’m sorry, Cas” Dean said, again. “I know” Cas answered. “I love you” “I love you too, you fool” Cas chuckled as he decided that he forgave Dean, even though there wasn’t really something to forgive him for after what Lisa had told him.

 

They hugged and Cas was happy again. He had missed this so much, being in Dean’s arms and holding him. He had missed his scent and the guitar that hung against his back now, because it was still in Dean’s hand. He closed his eyes and breathed in Dean, his Dean. He enjoyed his warmth. Dean smiled and placed a kiss on Cas’s forehead. Cas looked up and their eyes met, and soon after also their lips. The crowd cheered but for Cas the only thing in existence was Dean at this moment.


End file.
